The Guilt We Carry

As a first-generation child, there’s an ever-present sense of guilt knowing how much blood, sweat and tears have been shed for us to be standing where we are. Our parents hiceron el sacrificio y dejaron todo for our generation to have an opportunity to reach something they never we able to.

It feels like I’m standing on the shoulders of people who never got to see the view. Like I was lifted up — not just supported, but held up, held steady — by hands that worked, bent, and blistered without complaint.

It feels like I’m standing on the shoulders of people who never got to see the view. Like I was lifted up — not just supported, but held up, held steady — by hands that worked, bent, and blistered without complaint.

Our parents didn’t climb the ladder, they became the ladder.

With all these sacrifices, it’s easy to internalize the idea that we must achieve greatness in order to make their struggles worth it. We feel like we owe them success, and failure feels like a personal betrayal. Looking around we are surrounded by opportunities, air that feels light and possibilities that stretch out hasta la luna y más allá.

This guilt is compounded by the emotional weight of seeing our parents, who cannot fully understand our experiences, struggle to connect with our worlds. We might feel that we’re letting them down because we can’t live up to their expectations or fully repay their sacrifices. The pressure to prove ourselves, not only to society but also to our families, can feel overwhelming at times

The Pressure to Make Their Sacrifices Worth It

Alongside this guilt comes immense pressure. Our parents let go of comfort, tucked away sueños of their own, and often quieted parts of who they were — all so we could reach for oportunidades they never had. They want us to succeed, to be educated, to thrive in a world they were never invited into. And that love, though deep, can feel like a weight — a quiet reminder that no la podemos regar. That we carry not just our dreams, but theirs too.

For many first-generation individuals, there’s an unspoken expectation to be the bridge between two worlds. One that is steeped in tradition and built con sacrficio, and the other that offers new possibilities. It’s a delicate balancing act, and failure to live up to this weight can feel like a reflection of our parents’ perceived shortcomings or missed opportunities. It doesn’t just feel like our own failure — it feels like we’re failing them, too.

Deep down, we carry their sueños with ours. We want to honor every madrugada, every silence, every meal cooked instead of dream pursued. but we also want to create a life that is authentic to who we are. The weight of this dual responsibility can leave us feeling stuck, torn between honoring our roots and chasing our own dreams. Between gratitude and guilt. Between raíz and alas.

The Healing We Need for Future Generations

Sometimes that guilt makes us question: Are we being ungrateful? Are we forgetting where we come from?

Healing isn’t about forgetting, it’s about honoring. Healing is about creating emotional safety that we never had, and gifting that to our children so that they don’t have to unlearn the same things we did. We can honor the sacrifices our parents made by healing from the emotional burdens of guilt and pressure that ignores our mental stability and forces us to give until we have nothing left.

Healing means not carrying the entire weight of everyone’s dreams on our shoulders. It means finally acknowledging the complexity of who we are — our identities, our upbringing, and the messy truth of our lived experience. Their pain doesn’t have to become our blueprint. Their struggles don’t have to become our identity.

We are allowed to take up space. To be soft. To want things. To pursue our dreams sin la culpa. Success should not be defined by how much we sacrifice — it can be about how whole we feel when we come home to ourselves. By living a life that is fulfilling and true to who we are.

Success is breaking free from the cycle of guilt and pressure, and embracing the idea that our worth isn’t defined by how much we can do for others, but by how we show up for ourselves. We can give ourselves permission to rest, to not constantly feel the weight of others’ hopes and dreams on our shoulders. We are allowed to take up space and redefine what success is on our own terms.

Moving Forward: A New Legacy

Being first generation is a unique experience. It’s like living between the lines. Translating documentation paperwork as a child, translating your parents’ pain & into purpose, and translating your own silence into survival. We live in two worlds, one shaped by the traditions and struggles of our parents, and the other by the opportunities and expectations of the society we were born into.

Knowing our life and every step taken forward has been carved with the callused hands and quiet sacrifices of the generations before us. But in carrying this weight, we must also learn to heal, not just for ourselves, but for the generations to come.

As we navigate the complexities of being first generation, it’s important to remember that we are not alone in this journey. Our experiences are shared by many others who walk the same path, and together, we can begin to break the patterns that no longer serve us. Healing is not a destination, but a process—one that requires patience, self-compassion, and the courage to let go of the burdens we were never meant to carry.

To be first-gen is to walk a path no one prepared us for — balancing sueños and survival, gratitude and guilt. It’s complex, heavy, beautiful work. But you’re not alone in it. There’s a whole comunidad navigating this same in-between, healing in real time, and learning to build something softer for the ones who come next.

And the legacy we will create will be one of strength, resilience, and healing. Our healing lays the foundation where guilt, pressure and quiet suffering are no longer inheritated. El ciclo termina con nosotros. Our kids will be able to breathe easier, cry freely, speak honestly and live without carrying the weight of survival on their backs.

This is the healing we need for future generations.
And it starts right here — with us.